It is beginning to dawn on me that this website is dogshit. But I do not care that much, I think I will continue to update it. It can only get better from here, right?

I went to a taster day for that music course I mentioned in the previous entry. I think I may have set my expectations too high -- my motivation was to get into learning reactive music visualisation, and I figured having some fundamental understanding of music theory would help in understanding how to configure whatever instrument I plug into it. Seems like it is a more exclusively practical ordeal, hosted by double threat genderblobs. Everybody else in the class definitely had something wrong with them too, and I guess I fit in nicely amongst them, being an antisocial sperg myself. I like to think myself at least somewhat competent at masking, but that falls apart as soon as I actually begin talking.

The way I talk is very quick and disjointed. I speak fast, too quick for my mind to follow, and I soon forget any plan I made in my head when I initially laid the foundation for what I was attempting to say. I try too hard to not be weird, and it backfires and makes me borderline incomprehensible. I hate pausing, it makes me seem slow. I hate being percieved as slow most of all. I do try to speak like how I type here, which is also very spergy and repetitive at points, but at least it's mostly understandable. Anyway, I'm stuck in this class now, at least it's only a week. Painless, really. It starts on Monday and ends on a Friday, so I'll be sure to update this as the days go by, detailing my experience. Maybe I'll learn something, but I'm not exactly hopeful.

I have decided that I will not be half-assedly typing these anymore and instead will opt to actually use capitalisation and punctuation in my writing for your reading pleasure (if anybody is actually reading this). I don't think it benefits anyone if I were to continue writing like an edgy teenager -- I am a grown man who will likely be employed in the near future, I should ACT like it. If there are any other improvements I can make to this website that doesn't involve me killing myself or deleting this site from the internet I WOULD BE VERY GLAD TO HEAR IT.

So what's new with me? Well, not much. I am keeping up with the goals I had set for myself during April, as well as chipping away at my hobbies. It will be a slow but rewarding process, and hopefully I can eventually share what I have learned here in a meaningful way that will act as a reflection of that progress. Japanese is kicking my ass though. The learning process is like those Matryoshka dolls - the little wooden russian dolls that open up to reveal more dolls. You want to learn a word, or a phrase? Well you have to learn the vocabulary, which consists of kanji, which consists of hanamura and radicals - and there are also other meanings and readings depending on the context you have to learn too! No wonder this shite takes years. The lengths I go to for a beautiful Japanime wife. Maybe I am just retarded because I am so used to English, but this feels significantly harder than learning English. There is something very old-fashioned about how Japanese is structured, the history just feels more ~present~. I enjoy it, and I will not be giving up.

I'm on this thing called Universal Credit. It is essentially unemployment money for being a lazy cunt. Every week I am summoned to the job centre to speak with my job manager to speak about CURRENT GOINGS ON. It is something that could be done in an email, but no, I have to pay a bus fare and go to the shitty town centre, potentially dealing with unsightly brown people and hordes of loud school children who openly say the n-word (it's only okay if I do that). There's a totally abandoned shopping centre I have to pass by each week, and it's always full of suspicious looking chinese people. I'd probably have better luck at getting a job if I had a word with them (I have historically had a positive relationship with Chinese individuals)! Bah. Anyway, they referred me to a thing called The King's Trust, and I have somehow gotten myself into doing a week-long music course with them? That should be fun? I always wanted to try messing with audio visualisation, which is why I chose that course specifically. You ever used Winamp? It's cool as hell, I wish I could plug it in to this website, I love when things sync with music :D. We shall see how it goes, and I will write another one of these when I feel like I have to.